turn-around day

i just hate that day, its the last day of one cruise and the first of other, the day before we have to clean really deep, trow every fruits, juices, and everything that its open away. We take all the passenger out just to receive new ones, reload of suplies for the next cruise, and finally, a nice welcome party at deck all 900 passengers are there, i doesnt sound like much actually, but it is.
its one of the longest, hardest and more painfull day of the cruise, but its nice, its a turnaround, a new day, new cruise and some times new working area or job.
i believed i hit my own turn-around day, i been holding this back for a while, but actually i been in this day long ago, i mean, im finally out my home, started in a job i never imagine i would be in, every thing is new, every thing is diferent, every thing have change, im not the same person i was, and i will never be, the problem is, i didnt do my deep cleaning, i was still hoping to get my life back, i left all the garbage in the floor, the juices still open and outside, i want to start over but im still dirty, its time to clean, to take all i dont need out of my life, all those thinkings that do no good to me, i been suffering for nothing at all, i have a life dream opportunity and i will not let it go, today is the day i will finally take control, i will do what ever i want, how ever i want it, will work hard for something, something i dont really care but it will help me later, today i'm letting it go, all that is holding me back, i will let it go, tomorrow, i will be everywhere and at the same time nowhere, will travel like i always what it, will enjoy every moment like its the last one, i will let myself flow, who ever that is, will do what the heart wants, even if that cause pain later, but i wont care, i will be heartless, will be finally a player in my life, a player with no limits but myself, who care about the next day, lets have some fun.

if i'm gone, would you remember me?

i ask that question some time ago, no satisfactory answer

well, i'm gone now, about 20 days and i think that was just enough; i heard before how the fear to be forgotten was there, and how the fact to be remember even after death was really important, i really dont care if someone remember me after im die, and i sopouse i dont care either if everyone forget about me right now cuz i just dont care in living no more.

it hurts when you cant make your dreams realities, but it hurts more when you dont have dreams at all, every thing is just pointless.

i never knew what i was going to do, i was just happy doing nothing, or running or playing tennis, even if that would take me no were, i was happy because i didnt know what was coming; i wake up of that dream, opened my eyes to the ugly truth, this reality, horrible thing that take me nowhere, get, i had a reason to continue, only one, the biggest thing that ever hapend to me, the most amazing, something i could never imagine, it was wonderful.

something change, dont know what, but that reason wasnt enough anymore, or thats what it seem, in the outside it looked like i was death, like i wasnt fighting, that i just gived up, but actually i was still in battle, an internal one, one that i still fighting, i still trying, when my one and only reason was taken from me, twice, this is the last one, no more reason to continue, today i quite facebook, hope someone notice it